The Adventures of Detective Rat
by Will X
Summary: Detective Rat and Pig hunt for a missing blender.


Rat took a sip of his beer as he flipped on the television.

"Officials are advising citizens to terminate any investments that were-" "CLICK!" Boring.

"Call now and get another-" "Click"

"-ou vote now-" "Click." The television turned off. Rat sighed again. Nothing to do today. Just like yesterday, and the day before.

"Uh, Rat?" Pig, his housemate and best friend of twenty years asked. Rat rolled his eyes.

"What is it, you dumb Pig?!" Rat demanded.

"Well, I have a question to ask you."

"Yes?"

"Did you move the blender?"

Rat frowned."No, why?"

"It's gone." Pig answered. "Just gone. Oh, the window is also broken. Did you do that to, or...?" The rest of Pig's question was lost as Rat ran into the kitchen. Pig was right; the blender wasn't where it was supposed to be, and the window was broken.

"Dammit." muttered Rat. Their stupid Guard Duck takes one day off and _this_ happens. He was about to walk over to Pig and blame him for the mess when a smell caught his eye, um...nose. "Pig?" he asked. "Are you wearing cologne?"

"Oh, of course not." said Pig, suddenly appearing in the kitchen. "I never wear cologne." Rat ignored him.

"I smell..." he said aloud.."Zebra! Aha!" He pounced upon something on the floor, and came up with some fur. "It must belong to Zebra. C'mon! _He_ stole our blender." Rat put on a deerstalker hat and announced "I am Detective Rat. I swear upon this day that I shall, through pain and prejudice, find and return our missing blender!" He then turned and ran out the door. Pig followed him.

"I'm sorry, what?" Zebra asked. He was in his living room with Rat and Pig. The former had just accused him of breaking their window and stealing their blender, while the latter just sat there.

"Don't play dumb with me you equestrian barcode!" snarled Rat. "I know you took it! Look! We found a sample of your fur at the scene of the crime!" Zebra took the sample from Rat's hand. He looked at it, weighed it and compared it to a sample of fur plucked from his back.

Finally, he said; "This is not my fur."

"WHAT?!" shrieked Rat. "Don't lie to me!"

"You best ask Goat. He knows more about this sort of thing then I do." Rat snatched the fur sample from Zebra's hoof, marched through the door, and turned towards Goat's house. Pig hurried after him.

"That is not _my_ fur." said Goat. Rat groaned, and buried his head in a nearby pillow, while Pig remained strangely silent. "I do know what it is though. This looks like...the nylon strands of a blackish-colored wig. I think the crocs own one of those. If you wait, I could prove it…" but detective Rat was already out the door.

"I..huh huh..am..Detective Rat!" Rat, breathless from running around the neighborhood, announced to the crocs upon reaching their fraternity house yard. Several crocs looked up, visibly confused. "You..have..huh..stolen..huh..a blender from us." he said, gesturing to himself and Pig.

"Es that shifty little Rat?" asked one corc in their strange accent.

"Meebe he here for semi-annual Zeebacue," answered another "where we cook zeeba."

"I am _not_ here for your little 'Zebra Barbecue'.'' said Rat. "I am here for a missing blender that I am searching for. A search that has lead me across the neighborhood and at last to here, your little den of idiocy "

"A blender?" asked one croc.

"Yes. A blender." answered the rodent. "A blender that is sitting not three meters away on your picnic table." The croc operating the blender froze.

"Oh, this?" he said in their accent. "Oh, this no you blender. This blender belong to Zeeba Zeeba Eeta." Rat ignored him, and marched over to the blender, uplifted it to reveal, written underneath, 'This blender belongs to **RAT!** ' The crocs muttered nervously amongst themselves. Rat ignored them, and unplugged it from its extension cord. He turned to leave, but found his path blocked by the blender croc.

"We need blender for Fruit Smoothee." the croc said. A murmur of assent rippled through the crowd. Rat rolled his eyes, and punched the croc in the nose. He groaned and fell over. The remaining crocs scattered, leaving the path clear for Rat and Pig to leave.

As they were walking home, Rat turned to Pig and said ;"Now this is the part where you say 'Brilliant, Detective Rat! However did you figure it all out?"'

"But I was there the whole time!" Pig protested "We went to Zebra. He told us to ask Goat. Goat told us to check out the crocs. The crocs had our blender. End of story, case closed."

Rat groaned. "That's not the point!" he argued. "These types of stories usually end with the dim-witted sidekick asking the brilliant detective how he did it all!"

"I am _not_ dimwitted!" retorted Pig. The two friends continued this banter as they walked home.

 **THE END**


End file.
